I thought that having a blog would make me think less as I would have somewhere to put all of my thoughts and worries. This has not been the case as far as I am concerned.
This whole Taylor and Zach situation is freaking me out. It’s making me stressed as hell, sad and lonely. I get too attached too quickly and find it hard to let go. I need to make people aware of this because now I know they will get to know me and find this out and begin to distance themselves.
I don’t know what I want from my life, but I know that this is not waht I had in mind. I want to fall in love with someone who will love me back, make me feel special and be dedicated and determined to do something with their life. I want to find someone nice to my friends and family, treat me like I’m the only girl for them and believe that I’m worth fighting for.
I am quite easy for forget to be honest, well it seems that way. I don’t want to be this girl, I want to be someone else.
I just want to travel, but I have to wait until after Uni which makes me 10x more sad.
Came back home last night. After having spent the night with someone on thursday. It was nice, we discussed why he cared about me contacting Taylor again, he said i should know and it would be weird if I didn’t care. He keeps making jokes though, and after I said are we still good and he said “We’ll see how things turn out in January”.
Im just waiting for him to call/text/message me, its all a waiting game with him really, not too sure when things are going to sort themselves out.
I think maybe I’m going to have to be the one to sort myself out, to sort us out because I have too many feelings towards him that it hurts me thinking that hes just in it for other reasons. It kills me inside but I have no idea why he’s sticking around, keeps coming back to me when he could get any girl that he wanted, like the girls from his seminar.
I’m not good enough, I need to slim down, lose loads of weight. I need determination to do so. Also, I need to see my girls again, need to get happier. Need to do things for myself.
Well I’m seeing taylor tomorrow, I know all of the feelings are going to rush back, not liking it to be honest, it will be hard but it’s something that I’ve had to do for a long time now.
Haven’t seen him in 2 and a half months, this should be interesting.
I’ll keep you posted.
I’m packing to go home! I can’t wait to be in the car on the way to my house with my mum to see my sister and my puppy again! Miss home so much it’s quite ridiculous!
However, I can’t stop thinking about you, but then again I’m just thinking about how much it was all just a way of getting your score up. You score, so your scores go up, may be the biggest bullshitter alive.